Friday, May 30, 2003

Well, since it still seems to work, I'll just say that I moved to LJ It's much more user (read: not-really-knowing-what-HTML-is-user) friendly and I have friends there. But I'll be updating this once in a while, just to keep it up (call it sentiment).
Oh, BTW. "At least I have a job..."?
Forget it.

Saturday, March 22, 2003

*massages feet*
I'm tired.
According to the work we've done so far our main boss decided to open the market a week earlier. Ah gellam. That means longer shifts and even less sleep. I don't mind working 8.30 to 11 or so, if it's necessary, but having to get up 2 hours earlier and then getting home well past midnight because of the bloody trains really ticks me off. But hey, at least I have a job...
So tired.

Saturday, March 15, 2003

He'll sing you to sleep ever night under the moon
and stars, with his arms wrapped tightly around
you to keep you safe and warm. He'll love you
til the end of time and beyond, as you do him.
Your soul and his soul are entwined for
eternity, that is, if you had an eternity.
Eternity doesn't apply to you. As time catches
up with you, he'll watch you wilt, like a
flower under the sun too long. He'll still love
you with all his heart, but sadness will fill
his days as he watches you fade away?Your love
will be evergreen, but you will pass on, like
the rest of us, leaving him heart broken and
utterly alone in this world. He will spend the
rest of eternity living on the memories of you.
Even the wind will echo with your laughter.

How will you break Legolas's heart?
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I need a life. Fast.

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

Being away from home, staying at the hotel and working all day _has_ its advantages, heh. Like going to see TTT yet again _two_ times *grins widely* Like buying the 16th volume of "X" (I think I'll regret that later... poor Subaru *sniff*) Like going to an Internet cafe... Never thought I'd use one, what with having 51 hours of free surfing at my compy *g* But I just _had_ to check my mail, and I'm glad I did *blows kisses in zasjah and Triskell's direction*
And, I had to put _this_ here:

You want Eowyn!
Your lust object is A‰owyn! Bad luck, she's dead set
on Aragorn. Well almost. You don't happen to be
Faramir, do you?

Which Helm's Deep soldier do you wanna shag?
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I gotta cheat big time next time and get Legolas, too *chuckles*

Friday, February 07, 2003

Second TTT viewing... So Faramir's not a dumbass *stern face* Times are rough and "(...)there are no travellers in this land: only the servants of the Dark Tower, or of the White." He's "but a Man", and Men are easily corrupted, which of course we're reminded over and over again. And what with being Boromir's brother, a 'lesser' brother, wishing to win his father's love.. Alas, he's a far cry from the book Faramir:

"But fear no more! I would not take this thing, if it lay by the highway. Not were Minas Tirith falling in ruin and I alone could save her, so, using the weapon of the Dark Lord for her good and my glory. No. I do not wish for such triumphs, Frodo son of Drogo."
"For myself," said Faramir, "I would see the White Tree in flower again in the courts of the kings, and the Silver Crown return, and Minas Tirith in peace: Minas Anor again as of old, full of light, high and fair, beautiful as a queen among other queens: not a mistress of many slaves, nay, not even a kind mistress of willing slaves. War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend: the city of the Men of Númenor; and I would have her loved for her memory, her ancientry, her beauty, and her present wisdom. Not feared, save as men may fear the dignity of a man, old and wise."
Before they ate, Faramir and all his men turned and faced west in a moment of silence. Faramir signed to Frodo and Sam that they should do likewise.

"So we always do." he said, as they sat down: "we look towards Númenor that was, and beyond to Elvenhome that is, and to that which is beyond Elvenhome and will ever be. Have you no such custom at meat?"

"So it seems," said Faramir, slowly and very softly, with a strange smile. "So that is the answer to all the riddles! The One Ring that was thought to have perished from the world. And Boromir tried to take it by force? And you escaped? And ran all the way - to me! And here in the wild I have you: two halflings, and a host of men at my call, and the Ring of Rings. A pretty stroke of fortune! A chance for Faramir, Captain of Gondor, to show his quality! Ha!" He stood up, very tall and stern, his grey eyes glinting.

Frodo and Sam sprang from their stools and set themselves side by side with their backs to the wall, fumbling for their sword-hilts. There was a silence. All the men in the cave stopped talking and looked towards them in wonder. But Faramir sat down again in his chair and began to laugh quietly, and then suddenly became grave again.

"Alas for Boromir! It was too sore a trial!" he said. "How you have increased my sorrow, you two strange wanderers from a far country, bearing the peril of Men! But you are less judges of Men than I of Halflings. We are truth-speakers, we men of Gondor. We boast seldom, and then perform, or die in the attempt. 'Not if I found it on the highway would I take it' I said. Even if I were such a man as to desire this thing, and even though I knew not clearly what this thing was when I spoke, still I should take those words as a vow, and be held by them."

Yeah, that's Faramir I love and admire, more than any other men in LotR *shrugs*

I'm glad I finally remembered that Elvish vocal from the 'Aragorn-unconscious-thinks-Arwen-kisses-him' scene, it's beautiful. As are many others throughout the film. I love Edoras theme and there's that little melody when Eowyn learns that Aragorn 'fell'... *smiles*
I haven't noticed it before but a lot of my liking to them is not only because of their character (and appearance, of course *sweatdrop*), it's also... their voices. I love listening to Legolas (especially now, when his lines aren't cut to "Orcs!" and "We should leave" *g*), whose voice feels almost like a caress sometimes. And Eowyn. And Aragorn. And the hobbits (must be that Gloucestershire accent, heh), especially Frodo and Pippin (must be that Gloucestershire _plus_ his own Scottish accent... *vbg*). Then I just walk around, babbling to myself: "Unless my eyes are cheated by some spell", "Who is she? The woman, who gave you that jewel?", "It's a good sword... There's always hope", "We've left out one chief-character... Samwise the Brave", "Turn south... the closer we are to danger, the further we are from harm" and so on *rolls eyes*

What's your TTT slash pairing?

"Shall I describe it to you... or would you like me to find you a box?" *chuckles* Priceless!

What's your TTT slash pairing?

Well... I just _like_ them together *g*

What's your TTT slash pairing?

Um... *scratches head* I'm a pervy hobbit fancier?

What's your TTT slash pairing?

Can you tell I just can't decide? *g*

Monday, February 03, 2003

Saaa... seems I suck at updating no matter what.
Yesterday I went to see TTT. *takes a deep breath*
I loved it! I won't say "every minute of it", 'cause I nearly lost it during the 'Aragorn's dream' sequence. Just stop kissing already, OK? *shrugs* Next time I'll just close my eyes and pretend there's no such scene there *g* And Faramir. What in Mordor's name have you done to Faramir?! He's handsome, right. But he seems to be even more of a dumb, stubborn dickhead than his brother was!! *dodges sharp objects thrown by zasjah* OK, so he let the hobbits go in the end, but still! I don't want Eowyn to get involved with _him_!
Speaking of Eowyn. *grins like an idiot* I admired the book Eowyn and guess I fell for the film one as well. She's just so... so. *laughs* There's this scene with her they'd shot, but it's not in the film. I believe they'll put it into a DVD extended edition!
The other character 'whom' I find brilliant, is Gollum. No wonder Frodo pities him, that guy's really miserable. His within dialog left me with my jaw hanging open *shakes head*
Legolas at last says something *cough* In Elvish! *grins* He kicks ass even more 'beautifully' than in FotR... and of course he's still gorgeous. And he's really annoying! "You're late"?! You thought the man you love (nah, no more denying, mister elf, Tolkien wrote it pretty clearly *vbg*) is dead! You see him 'resurrected' and all you have to say is: "You're late"?! LOL LOL I really loved that scene. And he got Aragorn laughing... and again, they just do that 'warrior' arm clasp *rolls eyes*
Helm's Deep. It's the most breath-taking battle sequence I've ever seen. Ah, I don't have enough words to describe it, really. The pain they all had to go through to shoot that, paid off. 200 %. And it was just an 'intro' battle! What can they possibly show us in the battle for Middle Earth?
Which reminds me... they left Sheloba out! I guess the final film would have to be at least _four_ hours long to show all the threads from the third book... Yay! I can't wait!

Saturday, January 04, 2003

Somebody tell me this is not happening, I'm not turning into yaoi junkie, I'm not turning into Subaru junkie, I'm not turning into Eowyn and almost-everyone-else-in-TTT junkie, I'm not turning into Alichino junkie, I'm not turning into... I'm not... turning... I'm not...
Newsflash: I'm going insane.

What type of Bishounen are you? Find out at by Rin.

Which Subaru are you?

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what Lord of the rings man gets you hot?

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Saturday, December 21, 2002

Open letter to the Universe

Let me remember I'm an unique part of you.
Let me remember I'm just like all others.
Teach me how to love and be loved.
Teach me how to follow my path (when I find it).
Let me be healthy.
Let me be useful.
Don't let me waste my time anymore.

PS And if you let me get my hands on Asami Tohjoh's "Denkou Sekka Boys", I'd be more than grateful, too ^__^

Monday, December 16, 2002

I'm really glad I've found re-chan's site with loads of goodies for my hentai mind. And Sugiura Shiho rocks!
I really am imbecile idiot of a slowpoke ass... *shakes head*
"Sk8er Boi" Avril Lavigne

Under the trees it doesn't snow when it snows but it starts snowing when it stops snowing *g*


Gnothi seauton

My body needs... a chisel and a good sculptor
I'd very much like... to keep my promises to myself
I think I can be... patient
I'd never ever... kill myself
Before my eyes I see... colorful spheres and possibilities
When I get to sleep I think about... the good bits and pieces of the day
And when I wake up I'm closer to... the good things in me
It'd be nice to hug... someone real for a change
I have to find... some balance and peace in myself

When I say "enough"... I follow up with "shut up, who asks YOU?"
Grown-ups are... scary
In every human being there's... a flame
For me, devil and angel are... opposite sides of the same coin
I won't last without... my dreams
My love has to be... patient with me
My love must have... some crazy impulse inside
My love has to desire... me ^__^
When I get angry I'm... careless about what happens next
In love the most important thing is... to trust and be loyal to one another
Want to sleep and dream about... some beautiful images that'll help me with my fics
The worst nightmare would be... to lose my beloved ones
A spring forest at dawn makes me think of... freedom, joy, a new day full of promises
If I could travel around the world, I'd choose... Far East first; then New Zealand, then Ireland, then the rest. I want to see it all!

I'm crazy about... um, so many things I'm lost sometimes
When I'm down... I try to sleep
I'm capable of killing for... it'd have to be VERY extreme, like someone trying to kill ME or someone I care about (still I'd rather not think of a possibility)
Never in my life I'll be... never say never *duh* I'd like to say I'll never be untrue to myself
I believe in myself, because... (do I? hmm...) I'm one-of-the-kind and hey, I'm alive!
I don't drink... alcohol (save herbal martini for special occasions)
The true sincerity is about... remembering the reason
The true friendship means... that you're there for your friends through thick or thin and that you accept your friends the way they are, not the way you'd LIKE them to be
My heart is drawn to... beauty with a good heart and sharp mind
I try to prove to the world that... I don't have to prove anything to be happy
I like it when everything around... seems to be in a right place
I like it when everyone around... is happy (or at least satisfied)

When I'm glad my face... gets superdeformed ^__^
If I were 100 years older... I hope I'd be wiser, too
My biggest problem is... chaos within
When I think about love I feel... confusion
The most important thing is to have... faith
I need above all else... to solve this puzzle of mine
I feel stupid when... I run from responsibility
Jealousy is... stupid
The most difficult thing is to... focus on whatever is important to me
Life could be... less complicated (won't be *fun* anymore)
After life... I'll feed the star dust
You can fall in love... by accident and not even knowing it
I'm not necessarily able to... stop my express of thoughts
When it seems it can't get any worse I feel... hope, that it's the sign of things actually getting better

Sunday, December 01, 2002

I can go on changing myself.
I CAN do without Internet... for a week or so *sheepish grin*
"Final Distance" Utada Hikaru

Yeah, I'm not dead. Not yet *g*
But I AM fed up with Diaryland - seems like every time I add a new entry, the previous one disappears! *growls* So I'm gonna repost most of the old entries here and say 'bye bye to Diaryland, I doubt we'll meet again!'
So, here goes:

'The most beautiful...' list

I must be a visualizer, cause the first beautiful things coming to my mind are images.

Some of the most beautiful faces I've seen in art (I couldn't think of any particular order, they're all special to me):

· Venus in "Birth of Venus" by Botticelli
· Delphic Sybilla by Michaelangelo
· Angel in "Angel and Tobias" by Filippino Lippi
· Discobolus - I've no idea who sculpted him
· Francesc Serra's portrait of a girl wearing a head-kerchief
· Leda by Gustave Moreau
· Girl in "King Kofetua and a beggar-girl" by Burne-Jones
· Atalanta by Beardsley
· Madonna in "The funeral of the Count of Orgaz" by El Greco
· Athena by Susan Seddon Boulet

Some of the most beautiful people I know in RL - and watch at the movies *g*:

· My Mum - she has these incredible owl-wide blue eyes
· My best friend Kate - there's sth I call a "southern-rich-womanly-grace" about her
· My "fortnight friend" a couple of years ago - he could've been one of those cherubic twins Richard of Gloucester cast into Tower in 1483
· My high-school crush - all translucent skin, blue eyes and dark locks
· Elizabeth - tall, slender, with plaited honey-coloured hair and elfin features
· Jolene Blalock in "Jason and the Argonauts"
· Saffron Burrows in "The Seventh Stream"
· Tilda Swinton and Sean Bean in "Caravaggio"
· Orlando Bloom and Elijah Wood in "Lord of the Rings - FotR"

"Miscellaneous" *g*:

· Marilyn Monroe in the "Kiss" sequence from "Niagara"
· A valley full of maple-trees in the middle of nowhere
· "Legend of Ashitaka" theme from "Princess Mononoke" soundtrack
· "Le Tres-Bas" by Christian Bobin (I think it's sth like "The most humble" in English)
· Tea called "Iguana", vanilla-strawberry flavour AND taste
· Fireworks mixed with an orchestra playing "E.T" theme at the annual Norwich city festival
· "Kiss" by baby_pen
· The paschal dish my Mum prepares for Easter breakfast
· "The warrior of light" by Paulo Coelho
· Any cat!

OK, and this is new:
What's your sexual appeal?

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ME!? *howls with laughter*

Monday, November 11, 2002

Whoops... This only proves that someone indeed hit 'pause' on my life's video recorder. I just hope they remember it's not good for the heads.

I certainly am not 'the world's stupidest tourist'... guess I always thought mostly of myself. Bad habit! *cough* That's what reading "Fruits Basket" does to you... Well, the following days will offer me tons of opportunities to think about others first. And to learn how to hold back my anger, too *sweatdrop*

Friday, October 25, 2002

OK, imagine you’re a Chinese emperor’s general and you just encountered a whole gang of mountain rogues. Their chief is so beautiful you think it’s a woman and you have this strange ‘bride’ conversation before the chief actually strips naked to show you there’s no way HE could be your bride. What would you say?
‘Cause the general says, and I quote: I don't care that you're a man !
*closes her suddenly slack mouth with an audible click*
Now, if THAT’s not courage, than I don’t know what is.

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

Just read the 14th volume of „X”. Loved the Kamui/Subaru scenes. Hey guys, why don’tcha forget those Fûma/Sakurazukamori freaks and comfort one another instead, eh? You’d make SUCH a beautiful couple!
Nah, don’t think they’ll listen.
People... Always after something they cannot have.

Are you a Seme or Uke?

Sunday, October 20, 2002

The white-sleeve-upon-my-mouth-trick seems to work just fine (as long as I remember about it ^^;;).
Under the trees it doesn’t rain when it rains but it starts raining when it stops raining.

OK, let’s try this „Viggo’s stream of consciousness” *g*

[current clothes] Bottle-green T-shirt, grey sweat pants
[current mood] Confused
[current music] Weiss Kreuz opening
[current taste] Cheesecake *g*
[current make-up] Don’t wear make-up at home... save some remnants of tinted moisturiser I use when I go for a walk with Amber
[current hair] Brown & curly, just washed; smells of avocado, I guess
[current annoyance] No constant internet access here!
[current smell] Citrus-flavoured body-souffle, chocolate
[current thing I ought to be doing] Broadening my horizons, preparing the troops for tomorrow’s first battle, washing the dishes
[current desktop picture] Fujiwarano Sai from „Hikaru no Go” playing a flute („sweet strawberry” with Trowa/Quatre just got too sweet)
[current favorite movie] „Lord of the Rings: FotR”, followed closely by „Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”
[current favorite tv show] None since they stopped playing „Gundam Wing” after 26 epizodes (argh!)
[current favorite actor] Kenneth Branagh (just saw him in „Love’s Labours Lost”)
[current book] David Leavitt „The Lost Language of Cranes”, „Hikaru no Go” (OK, so it’s not strictly ‘a book’ *shrugs*), Sogjal Rinpoche „The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying”, Dorota Terakowska „Where the Angels Fall”, Anselm Grün „50 Engel für die Seele”
[current cd in cd players] Anouk/Noa/shanties/good-ol’-English-ballads and so on
[current refreshment] Oolong
[current toenail color] It’s liquid silk wrap – doesn’t really have a colour
[current worry] My family’s frustrated with me being a failure – takes it outta me
[current obsession] „Hikaru no Go”, Go, drabbles, „Gundam Wing”, „Yami no Matsuei”, finding a job that’s at least a bit satisfactory and reasonably paid.

Saturday, October 05, 2002

Grateful that I’m alive – and I have keen senses
I never keep promises made to myself – just because I thought there’s no one else listening to me?
„Ordinary Day” Vanessa Carlton + „Down Boy” Holly Valance + „Adrienne” The Calling + „Everyday” Bon Jovi + Shôjo Kakumei Utena TV opening + Samurai Deeper Kyo opening + Yami no Matsuei opening + + ... *shrugs*

No, it’s not New Year’s eve or anything. Guess the time is right or I just felt an unusual flow of energy or... whatever. The promise I keep repeating to myself but failing every time I check, is – I’ll do everything to justify my existence, to be as useful as I can, to reach my limits as a person (physically, mentally, spiritually), to fulfil the „plan”. I wanna die thinking that I did my best, that I lived life to the fullest and never made anyone cry.
And next time I start brooding, somebody kick me.

Tuesday, October 01, 2002

Just read Cinzia’s „Bliss” at zasjah’s Arandur Mine. I cried like a baby... Which I still feel like when it comes to the matters of the heart. This is just SO not fair! „Cope”, they say. Well, *cope* my ass! I can as well go and tell Amber that he shouldn’t act like a spoiled brat just because he „turned” one today, for in a couple of years’ time he’ll be older than me *sigh*

Tuesday, September 17, 2002

Plus: I ordered 2nd „Kawaii” CD
Minus: the weather wasn’t pretty (but I had an umbrella *g*)
Plus: there’s a chance for me in 3 weeks’ time
Minus: the damn public telephone gobbled my phone card (argh, I hate this!)
Plus: Kate dropped by; she goes to France in 2 days’ time (maybe I should call her Kite? – suits her *g*)
Minus: my Parents just had another BIG argument
PLUS: I’ve heard a whole „Be Not Nobody” album of Vanessa Carlton. Loved it. That girl is just awesome and I like her voice SO much! „Wanted” shook me to the core, stirring sth deep within, it’s such a powerful song. And „Twilight” made me think of Heero for some reason (yeah, I’m clearly obsessed with the guys)... So, I already know what I want for Christmas! *vbg*

Let’s see... 4 pros and 3 cons *nods contented* It was a good day!

Thursday, September 05, 2002

I’m grateful that Saturday doesn’t exist yet.
Have learned that „vacation” isn’t always a good thing...
Music playing in my head: „Just Communication” from „Gundam Wing”

The fact that I know exactly why I undergo this treatment again doesn’t make me feel any better about this. The very thought of B12 interjections AND trental intravenous drips gives me creeps... *shakes herself* Ch’. What’s 10 bloody days in comparison to the whole eternity? *crooked smile*

OT. I just KNEW it wasn’t a good idea to watch „Fucking Amal”...

You are an extremely talented person and you are also brilliant. You are mature, charming, straight-forward and you worry about your friends when they're in trouble. You give great advice and you're probably one of the best friends someone can ever have.

Which Gravitation Character Are YOU?
Take the quiz at Dare to Dream

Friday, August 30, 2002

„Free As A Bird”...
If you want to make gods laugh, tell them about your plans
„Murder On A Dancefloor” Sophie Ellis Bextor

Das ist ja peinlich, nur für ein Paar Stunden in Berlin zu sein!
Oh well. I wrote „Snow Window” in a car; I bought myself the 7th volume of „Bronze” (I just so got used to the guys I have to know what’s happening to them...); the meeting was stressful, but – successful *g* And I’ll miss speaking English again (to others, I speak to myself quite often, thank you very much)...
Also, one of the waiters was a real bishounen and I just kept staring at him at every opportunity. He had those incredible wide eyes, making you wonder how they’d look like fluttering shut, if you were to touch him. He smiled at me when we were leaving and it was a nice warm smile just for me *vbg*
Toldja I don’t need much to feel happy...

Yeah, but that was 3 days ago. Today I lost my job, or rather – I thanked for it *rolls her eyes* So, I slammed this door... let’s see if I find an open window.

Thursday, August 22, 2002

Grateful for everything *g*
Music playing in my head: „Delicate” Terence Trent D’Arby and Des’Ree

I indeed don’t need much to feel happy. Being an interpreter in business matters again; a book I’d very much like to read available in my library (in two weeks’ time, but still...); cherry-vanilla flavoured shower gel (makes me think of Bronze Tigress’ „Domestic Bliss”... *vbg*); and some VERY nice feedbacks – that’s all it took this time *grins happily*
And no, am not gonna fall for someone I’ve been seeing almost everyday for nearly 2 months now, just because of caramel locks and wide blue eyes, much less that smile! Been there, done that. No. No. No.
And the damn ring has nothing to do with this.